he "claims" gives him powers of "awesomeness". He then walks out of his
apartment filled with trophies made of Mounted Soda Bottles filled with
some sort of Dead Mouses as he goes to the shops to pick up his food he
demanded half an hour previously. He arrives to pick it up, when the
emperor of the Neighbourhood walks in demanding a tax from Ian. The
Emperor, while being the most feared man in the area, has been working up
the will to ask Ian for the tax for the last Eight Months. When he does, Ian
decides to pick him up and throw him into the Freezer, like a Basketball,
then he turns the temperature to "Ice Ice Baby". as the Emperor freezes
and turns into a Frozen block of Ice. Ian then claims himself the Emperor of
the Neighbourhood, insults the Shopkeep, then leaves to return to his
Apartment.
That was Five Years ago. Since then, he has transformed the
Neighbourhood into a Global Empire, with Six Colonies off-planet. He rules
all of this with Eyes of Hate and Teeth of Grit. Two Billion people have died
in the last five years because of him, because he decided that people
should only eat only Fried Chicken with Lettuce. Ian looks back at his life
and wonders why he killed thouse millions of people in the Battle of Mount
Rushmore, where he decided to detonate the Monument to carve a tribute
to all the People who've tried to be awesome in the past. Then he
remembered... why was he being evil? He was originally meant to be just an
asshole to the rest of society. Right there and then, Ian Fistman decided to collectively
end his empire and create a new one. By Punching the Moon into the Earth.
Ian Fistman - Crazy Awesome
INT-FISTMAN HQ - NIGHT: Ian asks the Scientists in his Lab to draw up
plans to create a Spacecraft and a giant Boxing Glove that contains Anti-
Matter. ...Well, I say 'ask'. He actually smashed through the window and
threw Bottles of Acid at the Scientists until they complied. They then set to
work prepairing the codenamed "Project Sucker Punch" that will ensure the
end of the Empire, and maybe, if we're lucky, all Human life.
You see, no-one knows where Ian came from. Heck, some people don't
even think Ian knows where he came from. He probably just showed up
millenia ago and started the idea of Death. Before he inherited the title of
Extreme Overlord he was just a simple Boxer/Hitman/Florist of Death. He
would just demand everything, and never took no for an answer. He would
enact bouts of pain and laughably awesome acts of awesome apon people
he wanted Money and/or food from. The thing is, he wasn't evil. That was
just him being the wierd person he is. When he seized the empire however,
he then decided to go beyond "Anti Hero" and into the "Successful Villian"
type. Then he slaughtered until dinner. And he decreed that it was good.
Everyone else, however, didn't like this. So he shot their iPhones. They all
cried at the loss of their binary-code friend, and ran away and hid from
"Crazy Ian".
After the Scientists worked out how to manage this demand, they set to
work building the Glove. In it's stitching, it contained Lead, Anti-Matter, and
solid Acid. If this came in contact with anything, it would blast it into another
dimension nearly. This was calculated in destroying the colony on the moon,
while in turn smashing the core of the Earth by means of Ghosting tech, and
would transform the Earth and it's Moon into a Galatic Spaceship. Yeah.
This was the plan.
To put it into detail, there is a giant machine waiting for the Moon to bump
into the Earth, so when it does, the Machine digs it's way to the core of the
Earth and plants engines into the Lava, turning the Planet of Earth into a
Spacehip. Admitedly, this might cause some damage to both the planet and
it's moon, but if millions die for the good of the universe, then it is justified,
atleast by Ian's standards. The Earthship would then set out to conquer the
Universe. Atleast, thats the planned course of action.
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That's a start of a story i started typing at random. Make of it what you will. Flibble.
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